Fitness declaration, dreams and nostalgia

Today I miss exercising a lot. Intense exercise, not the sad weight-lifting that I currently do. Spinning, playing squash, running... It's been 4 years since I've been able to do this properly. Four years of gradual deterioration. Preceded by 5.5 years of the most amazing breathing ability ever known to myself. I miss it SOOOO MUCH and wish I had worked harder at my fitness when I had the chance. It wasn't easy with working full-time, but I wish I pushed myself harder. I should have played more squash, done more spinning classes, just more of EVERYTHING CARDIO. 

There is nothing like the feeling of your lungs FILLING with air, and your heart beating, not because you climbed a flight of stairs and want to pass out, but because you are ALIVE and MOVING. I think it's taken me 23.5 years of shitty breathing, those 5.5 years of brilliant breathing, and these 4 years of losing it again to totally appreciate and realise how brilliant it is and how it should never be taken for granted. 

If I ever get the opportunity to breathe freely with healthy lungs again, I will make it my goal to push my body to its physical limits. I will try new activities, I will join a squash club... I want to run further than before. I want to do spinning again! I want to SWEAT! I am able to do so little at a time now, that I haven't sweated properly in AGES (except when my blood sugar drops too low, but that's a whole different topic!). I swear there will be no stopping me... 

This is what I dream of... it keeps me motivated. It pushes me to do what little I can right now. One day I will escape this frustrated feeling... one way or another. Until then these daydreams (and sometimes actual dreams at night) will keep me going. Patience... it will be worth it.