Today marks 6 years 11 months with the new lungs. I am VERY grateful but I haven't had a great day. My mind is filled with everyone that I've known who didn't survive this journey... Jolandi, Helen, Lynn, Dominique, Dave, Louis, Francois, Ninette, Gustav, Santa, Maryke, Trevor (who received my donor's heart)... and I am probably forgetting a few right now. Also thinking of those struggling in ICU right now, compared to the easy recovery I had. I don't understand why I deserve the luck/grace/miracle I have had and pretty much having survivors guilt. I just hope that my donor would be proud of me even when I'm not proud of myself.
Even with my chronic rejection I've been lucky. Most people I know on Facebook who have had chronic rejection/ BOS did not stabilise, and either received 2nd transplants or passed away relatively quickly. Yet I've been dealing with this for 2 years and it seems like I'm pretty stable... still doing what I could do 2 years ago minus some squash/running.
Hopefully I get out of this mood in time for Christmas. And hopefully everyone in ICU who have had transplants recover, and hopefully everyone doing well will keep on doing well. And those waiting will also get their miracle. And one day we will understand why things happen the way they do.