“Feeling very downish. Still waiting for news. Just SO TIRED of sitting around. And it's not like I've got nothing to do, I'm just tired of everything that there is to do. It's a Saturday evening, the weather's lovely. People my age are going out, having fun, falling in love etc and I'm just being bored and going to bed early hoping I'll have an exciting dream. Because I can honestly say that's the most exciting part of my life right now. Sometimes I dream I run, and in the dream I'm thinking 'I can't believe how easy this is'. Other times my dreams are filled with passion, but those leave me unsatisfied and wanting more when I wake up!!! So bottom line is: I feel like venting because my life's so boring right now and everyone's getting ahead in life EXCEPT ME!!!! My whole freaking life revolves around stressing about transplant and trying to keep my lungs in shape. (I use the term 'shape' loosely) Your 20's are supposed to be your best years dammit!!!”
That was part of my blog post 10 days before I got the call for my transplant. How things have changed!!! The 3 biggest things. and I basically refer to all of them in this snippet, is that I now have HEALTH, LOVE and A JOB.. ie LIFE. I can run and I can’t believe how easy it is (on the lungs, not necessarily the legs, lol!). I’m in love, going out and having fun. I’ve got a challenging but satisfying job.
I do miss my friends in PE and Cape Town, but I try to see them as often as possible. And yes I still drink lots of pills, but I don’t mind it at all, because in the past 16 months I’ve coughed less than I used to cough in a single day, I had flu only once (which is less than lots of “normal” people I know), I haven’t had any rejection whatsoever, haven’t been back in hosp for a day, and I’ve gained aprox 960 hrs (40 days) in total by not nebulising (taken at roughly 2 hrs per day, although it was much more on some days). I can truly say I’m blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I thank God for that every day. I pray that Bree, Lynn, Helen, Louis, Maryke, Jolandi, Francois, Megann, Lucille and all my other friends waiting for their lungs will also get to be this lucky.